I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize