i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
