i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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