So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
