Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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