i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
