You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
