the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize