like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
