Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
