I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
