Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
