now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
