You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
