You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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