Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
