is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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