I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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