We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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