PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
