I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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