Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
