Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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