i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
