I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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