Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
