Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
