3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
