I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
