Can i not drive my cunt home
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's paint friendship bongs
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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