idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
