You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
