so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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