i wish there were pregnant emoticons
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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