we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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