ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
