I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
