Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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