I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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