dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
