I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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