Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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