I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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