Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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