so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I came so hard my ears popped.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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