Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
