I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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