Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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