Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
