I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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