you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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