how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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