Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A+ Viking dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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