It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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