a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You left your phone here
Wait...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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