I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
