dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
