not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
