alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
