JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
