If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
