I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
