You're so nebulous sometimes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
