Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
