I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
