Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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