If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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