Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
