How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
