The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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